It is a truism that, “The only constant in life is change.” We face changes so often, and in so many forms, that we can become numb to the stress and tumult that these changes create. That stress, even if we don’t recognize it, takes ever-larger shares of our energy. Changes can take many forms: sometimes the changes are imposed on us by others, sometimes the changes are required by circumstances, and sometimes we ourselves desire the changes. Regardless of the cause, change always takes effort and always costs us our sense of stability. Imposed, Required, or Desired changes each offer unique considerations and challenges.

Imposed changes are those forced on us by others. Examples include reorganizations at work or loss of employment, enduring a pandemic and living through the aftermath, cultural shifts that change laws and policies, and so on. Required changes are forced on us by circumstances: an unwelcome diagnosis forces new habits or unpleasant treatments, a family member’s situation means moving to a new area, a sudden loss of income presents unforeseen challenges. Desired changes are voluntary. They are often thought to be painless, because, by this logic, achieving the goal is sufficient motivation in itself. In fact, however, whether we want to be happier, healthier, more fulfilled, or more successful, the benefits of such changes are often not enough to overcome the desire for stability and familiarity.

Regardless of what form the change takes, there is support available to you. This support is evidence-based, rigorous, and highly adaptable. It also goes by a name that can be misleading: it is a term often associated with hollow affirmations and pollyannish fluff. However, since everything needs a name and this name has stuck, we must dispel the connotations and offer the help. The term is “coaching.”

Coaching: a concise definition

Coaching begins with the belief that each of us is the world’s foremost expert on our own lives, and consequently, that each of us inherently possesses all of the knowledge and tools we need to succeed. The coach is there solely to help you, the client, make informed choices about yourself and your life. The coach helps you to recognize your own insights and abilities, as well as your own doubts and harmful beliefs. With new self-awareness, you can choose precisely who you want to be in the world. The coach is your second set of eyes, the honest and neutral voice. The coach supports you and your work of identifying your highest goals, the core values that drive those goals, and the beliefs or behaviors that support or prevent you from achieving those goals. Coaching is a structured and evidence-based practice that first helps clients articulate what they truly believe, and then supports clients as they choose which beliefs to keep and which to change.

A Distinct Helping Discipline

Coaching is often conflated with one of the other helping disciplines, especially therapy, consulting, or mentorship. In therapy, the therapist diagnoses the patient’s condition and directs structured treatment. In consulting, the consultant assesses the client’s situation and builds a plan for the client to follow, often taking on a significant part of the effort. In mentorship, the mentor gives guidance and advice to the mentee from the position of experience and authority.
In coaching, the coach’s expertise focuses solely on how to support the client’s efforts towards self-knowledge and intentional life choices.

What coaching is…

Coaching is a helping discipline that combines the client’s self-knowledge with the coach’s expertise in drawing out a client’s innermost beliefs and habits of thought. The coach’s expertise gives the client space to think and speak, challenges the client’s assumptions, and assists the client in developing new ideas or discarding old behaviors. Each person in the partnership brings expertise and enthusiasm.

…and is not

Coaching is not magic. It is not a quick fix. It is especially not formulaic, following some secretive process that promises immediate and permanent happiness, wealth, success, and so on. Coaching cannot be formulaic because every client is unique. A process that would absolutely transform one client’s life may do little or nothing for another client. There is no perfect universal formula because individuals are not uniform. The coaching that works best for you will be unique to you. Finding what you need takes time and energy, but the rewards go far deeper than any “quick fix.”

Approach

Like every client, every coach has a unique perspective and approach to coaching. My approach has a lot to do with the art and practice of changing. I am very interested in change, whether personal or professional, whether chosen or imposed. Change is the likeliest time for our innate insecurities, anxieties, doubts, and bad mental habits to seize us. As a coach, I listen to the client’s thought process and look for patterns and themes. The deepest thoughts and habits are the things that confound us or paralyze us when we try to change; they are so deeply-rooted, so taken for granted, that we can experience them without noticing them. I am there to notice with you. You then have the choice of whether to follow those old patterns or make new ones. I am not the expert instructing or correcting you – I am the expert in helping you see your own expertise.

Topics

We can face change in any aspect of life, and so I coach on any kind of change. You may want to live a more fulfilling personal life; you may want to become a better professional leader. (Through coaching, you may be surprised to find how quickly the distinction between personal and professional life falls away).
As an organizational leader, whether of a team or of an entire company, you face changes that are imposed on you and that you must impose on others. You may want to change the mission of your organization or enter a new market, you may want to take the best possible care of your employees, you may have to take unpopular action in response to a changing economy.

As a private person, you may enjoy your current career and want to grow further in your work. You may dislike your current career and intend to find a vocation elsewhere. You may want to grow closer to your spouse, your children, your parents, or your friends. You may want to build a life with more happiness, more fulfillment, more purpose; you may or may not know what those things mean to you yet.

The nature of the change is not the most important thing. The most important thing is how you address the change, and that is how I can help.

The Coaching Relationship

After a free introductory call for the client and coach to learn more about each other, especially the client’s goals and the coach’s style, the formal relationship begins with the Initial Session. Typically 75-90 minutes, the Initial Session sets the groundwork for the relationship, outlines expectations of both client and coach, and identifies the client’s primary goals in coaching (which can evolve or change completely during coaching). Each subsequent session is 60 minutes. The client determines the agenda for each session and chooses whether to continue with ongoing topics or shift focus.